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Be very careful about nesting flashbacks within flashbacks; that way lies madness, especially if you’re using tenses as your primary way of indicating the order things happened in.Character POVMost readers tend to identify with one character at a time, and most stories are written to help them with that. Accordingly, unless you’re going for some weird avant-garde effect it’s best to stick to writing from just one character’s point of view (POV) at a time. This means only writing one character’s. "My eyes widened at the threat of the clearly male criminal."Phlsm dohnt."My words were muffled by his hand, but his laughter clearly showed he knew what I had tried to say."Oh, little girl, soon you'll be begging for something else."He gripped my head with his other hand and dragged me to my feet, my scream muffled as I scrunched up my face in pain. I stumbled as he dragged me behind him, my nails clawing at the firm grip he had on my hair. He pulled me out of the kitchen and into the living. May as wellride it out. "The way it is so curly, and so long... I love pressing myface in it and smelling it softly..."A draft from nowhere tickled the back of my neck. I whirled around inthe dark but no one was there. Eerie. "What else," I inquiredstruggling to see my reflection in the mirror over my dresser. I couldnot pull the phone line far enough."Well, you've always kept yourself so skinny... yet you eat so much,"The man said and I immediately felt an invisible vice clamp down aroundmy. And now that was the fuck we were sharing with each other.I’d often wondered how they managed to come together every time. (Well, not TOO much; usually about when I remember “Oh yeah, they’re mind controllers who trust each other enough to share control,” the wondering stops.) There was more to it than that, as I was seeing now, experiencing another look on Troy’s face that I hadn’t seen from this angle before. A look that said “I’m about to shoot a lifetime of love into you.” From below me, I.
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