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By now it was getting dark and we all had more than our share of alcohol, so we put on some music and the couples even danced, I started to feel a bit out of place which one of the woman must of noticed as she asked me to dance with her which I did. She held me a bit closer than it would be when dancing with a stranger but else there was nothing unusual, a bit later the other woman also danced with me and I was thoroughly enjoying myself although I was only 21 and the women where in their. I felt the way a man might feel if he'd just found out he was nearly killed but narrowly escaped, and didn't even notice—terror and elation and gratitude. Mix a whole lot of humility and unworthiness into that, and that's pretty much how I felt, except it had nothing to do with nearly being killed. It was more just simple fear that this might all end badly if I put my heart on the line. But like a man who's nearly been killed, there wasn't a damn whole lot I could do about it.Yup. I was. Until we were divorced, I had vowed to myself not to be with another woman. I went over to a picnic table in the shade to think."Do you still love her?" I thought to myself. "Yes, but she cheated on me and hurt me bad. "It was only sex." She dared to say to me. I can't trust her ever again, I'll always be wondering what she's doing when I'm not with her, and I'll always be thinking about why she did what she did. I don't want to know though so I can't ask her. I can't have sex with her again. “He’s been the only one,” she corrected herself. “It’s been going on for quite a while, maybe five or six years.”I felt dizzy. I know my eyebrows shot up when she gave the timeframe.“Once ... sometimes twice a week once we got going good, and usually for several nights when you were out of town on a business trip.”She said it so matter-of-factly, with no emotion, just like she was answering a question about math or history. Once or twice a week, plus trips, for five or six years. Goddamn, I am.
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